Emo.

hello. I know i haven’t posted in a long long time. i have been quite busy lately.. and i have loads of things on my mind.

have you ever done a jigsaw and you have fit in all the pieces, and you’re just putting in the last piece when you realise that it doesn’t fit?

thats how i feel sometimes. like everything is going so well, seems like everything going to turn out well, when WHAM. everything screws up, all your expectations are crushed. its like the light at the end of the tunnel just disappears, and you’re lost. even though you might have a map in your hand, you don’t have a light to read it. and then you look around and suddenly realise that you’re alone. and the question that rings clear in your mind isn’t “What am i going to do?”. its “How did i get here in the first place?”

sometimes i just pause, look around me and think “everything is changing.” and its true. everything IS changing. even me. i know that i have changed a lot and even i don’t really like the person i have become. but i guess time does that to everyone.

Friends. The people who can make all the hurt go away, but usually the ones who cause most of it anyway. I don’t know if its intentional, but sometimes, i wonder if its all worth it. if there is one thing i have learnt, its that indifference hurts more than distaste. one minute, i feel that you’re holding my hand throughout the journey and will never let go, the next i look back and i only see my own footprints.

Are you really worth the heartbreak?

i think i forgive too easily. i naively fall for the same mistakes again and again. but do i really have to bear a grudge to be protected? shouldn’t i feel safe to let down my defences?

maybe not, maybe im just rambling, maybe im talking nonsense. but right now, i’ll just post a poem before signing off..

My Best Friend

Today I found a friend,
Who knew everything I felt.
She knew my every weakness,
And the problems I’ve been dealt.

She understood my wonders,
And listened to my dreams.
She listened to how I felt about life and love,
And knew what it all means.

Not once did she interrupt me,
Or tell me I was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
And promised she’d stay long

I reached out to this friend
To show her that i care
To pull her close and let her know
How much I need her there

I went to hold her hand
To pull her a bit nearer
And realized that this perfect friend I found
Was nothing but my mirror.

I guess I am truly my best friend.

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