I think you truly know that humanity is failing when you have to limit your niceness.
I’m not boasting or saying that I’m a very good person or anything, this is mostly me figuring myself out. Feel free to disagree.
I go out of my way to help people. Its in my nature. I can’t help it. I like to do little things for people, cause I know it will mean a lot to them even though it takes so little effort on my part. Like wake-up calls. I think wake-up calls are such a nice and sincere way of showing someone you care. Whether it means staying up with someone, or putting an alarm just so you can wake someone up, it just makes the world feel less shitty. You feel a lot better about waking up at 3 to study when someone bothers enough to call you up. That’s why I like giving people wake-up calls.
I like complimenting people and being liberal with my hugs. Random out-of-the-blue shows of affections are so heartfelt and genuine. A simple text message can go a looong way. You never know when someone needs a pick-me-up!
The thing is: I genuinely like doing things for people. Idk why, but I like making people happy. Esp if I care about them deeply, cause then I can’t handle thinking of them in pain or misery, I just need to help them and make things better. ITS IN MY NATURE.
BUT people take advantage of me. I’m always paranoid that people will just leave one by one, and I’ll look back one day to realize that I have no real friends anymore. And the worst part is that when I lose friends, its rarely the “omg she’s a bitch I hate her I’m not gonna be friends with her anymore” kinda thing but more of a “aiya arathi will always be there lah I can afford to dao this message and cancel this lunch date with her”. People just stop making the effort, cause they take me for granted. They get BORED.
How do I fix this? How do I become less boring, how do I make myself more needed? Do I have to turn into one of those girls who purposely delay their responses to text messages just to seem busy? Should I stop rearranging my schedule around people? Should I stop being so liberal with my compliments? Idk. My brother is always telling me to put myself first once in a while, but I LIKE putting other people first; its natural.
Its sucks that to keep my friends I have to limit myself (oh, oops reached my quota of 5 kind acts a day! sorry come back tomorrow!) but its always misunderstood and misinterpreted. I’m not a doormat, I’m not a flirt, I’m not a desperate slut. I’m just Arathi. I’m not gonna take all the bullshit you hand me cause I have my own set of beliefs and morals, if you go against that I will rebuke you. But like now I can’t tell people they danced/sang well without giving off “oh I’m in love with you lets get married” vibes. Must I check myself?
Idk. One of the biggest decisions I’ll have to make I guess. Should I have to change the person I am in order to maintain relatonships, or am I just doomed? Maybe I’m just the kind of person whom nobody wants to be long time friends with. Overexposure to me is sickening, smothering and boring maybe.
That just sucks lah. Why can’t everyone just be nice and kind? Why can’t I be helpful without being judged and misunderstood and abandoned? Why must there be a limit to how nice someone should be?