One and Only

There is one quote that I genuinely love from a John Green book (forgot which one they are all pretty much the same really) And it goes “So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.” I think this beautifully describes the feeling you get when you’re talking to someone with a huge personality and you feel like you’re just fading because you have nothing of worth to contribute to the conversation, ever, because whatever you have to say just pales in comparison to their pearls of wisdom.

Only one though. I still despise his books.

“So I love him. I think he’s great, his videos are great, I think he loves writing and he loves his fans and he loves having them enjoy his writing, and that’s amazing, and so I feel really bad writing this, but, just… his characters are *so* fucking pretentious.

They’re all high-schoolers, and yet their dialogue is so fucking filled with impossibly wise and philosophical nonsense, so many obscure literary references and flowery metaphors about life, and it’s just so… fuck. Nobody talks like that! Nobody! These people can’t just communicate their feelings, they have to filter it through about eight different lines of poetry wrapped up in a conversation where they talk deeply about an incredibly vapid issue like toast or brushing your teeth just to show off how damn quirky they are that they have all these amusingly fucking wry opinions about everyday stuff.

Not to mention the other quirky thing that I fucking hate anyone doing of talking about zombies and robots and shit like that makes you really fucking funny and unique because you’re really into odd shit even though it isn’t odd shit at all it’s shit that millions and millions of people like.

And then of course they have to describe everything in caps like this is the Big Thing that happened, and they refer to each other with stupid references to things that have happened, or just big grand names, using their Full Name instead of just using their fucking first name and nobody talks like this, nobody is that needlessly fucking verbose and pretentious, especially not seventeen year old children!

I’m sorry, John Green. You’re awesome, and Paper Towns was great, but just… I can’t. What’s so wrong with normal dialogue? Then I don’t even feel too bad about recognizing it because it seems like he recognizes it too, that his characters are pretentious and obsessed with literary references and metaphor. But that doesn’t make them clever, it makes them irritating. Pretentiousness isn’t something to be proud of, it’s a smug, self-obsessed quality and it’s fucking irritating to read.”

This beautifully wrapped up what I have to say about John Green. He does seem like a nice guy, but the books just don’t do it for me, I’m sorry.


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